Chris Titus Debloat =link= May 2026

“You’ve got digital atherosclerosis,” his friend Maya said, glancing at his Task Manager. Ninety-seven background processes. CPU pinned at idle? No such thing.

Chris Titus had spent the last three years building his digital identity like a hoarder stacking newspapers. His laptop, once a sleek powerhouse, now wheezed like an asthmatic at a high-altitude marathon. Every boot-up triggered a cascade of startup apps: Adobe’s update nag, a printer driver for a printer he’d recycled in 2022, three different cloud sync clients, and something called “FastBoostScheduler” that did nothing but slow everything down. chris titus debloat

Reboot.

Then the Windows telemetry. He didn’t mind Microsoft knowing his location, but did they need to ping his SSD every four seconds? A few registry tweaks and a well-aimed PowerShell command later, the network tab looked like a still lake. No such thing