Gun-toting Ant Free Today

The gun is glued to the ant’s thorax. This is not ergonomic. The ant drags one side of its body, leaving tiny, furious drag marks across my countertop. I’ve seen it try to climb a vertical wall. It spun helplessly like a broken ceiling fan. Gun-toting? More like gun-dragging.

Within an hour, El Chapito had formed a militia with three other ants from under the fridge. They now guard the toaster with a zeal that is both impressive and terrifying. I cannot make toast without a written negotiation. gun-toting ant

Gun-Toting Ant ( Formicida armatus ) Price: $19.99 (plus shipping, handling, and liability waiver) Rating: ⭐ (1/5) – Would give 0 stars if I could The Pitch “Tiny. Angry. Armed.” That’s the slogan on the box. The idea, apparently, is that you receive a single live ant (species unspecified) outfitted with a custom-fabricated, microscopic firearm. The ant is “trained” (their word, not mine) to defend your picnic, desk plant, or sad leftover pizza slice from intruders. The Reality Where do I begin? The gun is glued to the ant’s thorax

My ant, whom I’ve named “El Chapito,” immediately tried to shoot a breadcrumb. The recoil from its 0.0001-caliber pistol sent it flying across the kitchen, where it accidentally fired again and took out a ladybug on the windowsill. The ladybug survived, but its self-esteem didn’t. I’ve seen it try to climb a vertical wall