When the proverb calls this love the kitovu (umbilical cord or root) of uzembe (foolishness, idiocy, or negligence), it means that foolish actions are not accidents—they are birthed from this specific kind of blind affection. How do you know when love has crossed into the dangerous zone of uzembe?
Culturally, we have been fed myths: that love means suffering, that real love never gives up, that jealousy equals passion, and that leaving is failure. These myths are the fertilizer for uzembe . The proverb does not say love is bad. It says ngoswe penzi —reckless, excessive, blind love—is the problem. True love is clear-eyed. True love respects boundaries. True love does not demand you become a fool.
He disrespects you in public, she lies about money, they disappear for days without explanation. But you say, “But I love them.” That is ngoswe . ngoswe penzi kitovu cha uzembe
Your health, finances, and mental peace are crumbling. Yet you stay, because leaving would mean admitting you wasted time. That is the height of foolishness. Why Does This Happen? Psychologically, ngoswe penzi resembles addiction. The brain releases dopamine when we are with the beloved, even when they hurt us. We become hooked on the highs, enduring the lows with a delusional hope that “love will fix it.”
Friends and family warn you. They see what you refuse to see. Instead of listening, you isolate yourself. Uzembe thrives in isolation. When the proverb calls this love the kitovu
Why does love—one of the most beautiful human emotions—so often become the gateway to our worst decisions? The word ngoswe implies carelessness, negligence, or a sloppy lack of caution. It is not the careful, respectful love of a wise person. It is the love that rushes in without looking, that forgives what should never be forgiven, that spends what it does not have, and that stays long after respect has left the building.
You find yourself lying for a partner, covering up their mistakes, or abandoning your dreams to keep the peace. Love was meant to elevate you, not turn you into a stranger. These myths are the fertilizer for uzembe
So love, by all means. Love deeply, passionately, and loyally. But never let love turn you into someone you would be ashamed to introduce to your younger self. Because once uzembe takes root, it is hard to pull out. And the only one who loses in the end is you. He who loves wisely, lives wisely. He who loves recklessly, collects regrets.