Sheldon: “Baseball is a mathematically elegant sport ruined by human error, specifically the umpires.”

Sheldon, baffled by emotion, tries to console her with a pie chart. “Your tears contain water, sodium, and emotional stress hormones. Perhaps a cookie would help.”

Sheldon, without looking up from the TV: “Statistically, authoritarian parenting leads to higher teen rebellion. Mother, you should read a book.”